I thought I'd be able to write a more positive post today because, after what felt like forever, I finally had a couple hours out last night.  I've spent one day with Terry over the past couple of weeks, and that was Thanksgiving, so it didn't really count as far as quality time with him. 

So when he took me out to dinner last night, I was thrilled.  I think I talked nonstop the entire time... only about a million miles a minute.  Lately it seems like all our conversations are about touchy subjects... things that upset us and stress us out.  But at least we have someone to share it with, right.  The truth is, I've been walking a really thin line between sanity and the breakdown of a lifetime for a while now.  And last night granted me a stay of sorts, but I know it's still lurking. 

The new wireless modem finally came.  It's so easy to take the little things for granted.  I was so used to just picking up the laptop and taking it with me wherever I wanted to go in the house.  And having to sit in one place and be wired drove me crazy.  Especially since it was a horrible connection anyway.  I go wherever I can get comfortable.  Sometimes that's not easy for me so it helps to have choices. 

My weatherman just said "flash freeze".  Apparently that means it's 67F right now... at 6:45am on Thursday morning.  We're going to hit 70F today.  Unbelievable since at this time tomorrow the temp is supposed to be 27F.  A drop of more than 40 degrees over just a few hours.  Then thunderstorms with a chance of damaging winds, and of course, everyone around us is expected to get snow.  Everyone but me.  Texas is getting snow, but not me.  If I still lived in Texas, they'd be getting snow here.  Just because I want snow.  That's ok.  Terry has a snow machine!  Ha!  I'll have a white Christmas one way or the other. 

Right now I'll settle for some energy, some really strong drugs to make me forget I have screwed up kidneys, and something to get this snot out of my head.

I was going to complain about how much pain I'm in this morning, but I've decided there absolutely has to be something more interesting to blog about.  So I've hobbled into the kitchen and started the coffee.  I'll just keep trying things until something makes me feel better. 

I have a neighbor across the street.  I hate him.  (I liked my cows much better)  Ok.  Hate is a bit strong.  I dislike him.  It must be nice to be retired with absolutely nothing to do but be the neighborhood snob.  I swear I think he has some sort of detector-laser-scifi-type alarm system covering his yard.  I imagine if I put on special glasses I'll see the glowing red beams shooting out across it.  It has to be something like that in order for him to do what he does.  He's out there in that yard every single time a leaf even thinks about falling in his direction.  Everything is so nice and perfect.  Grass, shrubs, porch... it makes me ill to look in his direction.  He sees me walk outside, at a run most of the time because there's always somewhere to be, and I'm usually running late.  I can see him look down his nose even though he's far enough away that he could lie his way out of it. 

I'm sure he thinks white trash has moved in across the street.  Right now there are more leaves on my yard than blades of grass.  The Christmas decorations are only half up and half working.  Hell... there's still a flying vampire on the side of the house.  I didn't put him there, Terry did.  I can't reach him even with the ladder.  Daddy laughed at me Thanksgiving when I told him that I'm leaving the dude up on purpose... that I'm just going to put a Santa hat on him.  The old man across the street commented to me that he likes my decorations, but he did it in such a way that I knew he was only saying it because we were too close for comfort when we both happened to be on the sidewalk at the same time.  His decorations, so far, have consisted of a pumpkin placed tastefully on his porch and now a wreath elegantly hanging from his door along with the sight of his Christmas tree through his front window. 

Maybe I should point out that I recognized his wife last week.  Want to know how I know her?  She's an old teacher that used to work where I went to ELEMENTARY school.  Her ex-husband taught there, as well, and there was major drama when they both got caught cheating on each other.  Her little fling was obviously a political step because she traded up and ended up getting named to a principal position in the school district.  Actually, she had more than one affair... probably still is!  But her ex-husband is the one who started looking sleazy and like a dirty old man. 

Hey, at least when I gossip I don't do it with woman next door.  And I'm pretty sure the lady in the house directly across from me would be more than willing to listen.  She has been nice enough, but she just seems to be the kind of woman always with an eager ear.  She has a screened porch on the front of her house... very tastefully decorated.  She seems a bit more laid back, and she's complimented my yard a couple times over the past few months.  She saw the time, energy, and money being put into clearing it out. 

I really do want to feel better so I can make everything pretty outside.  Meanwhile, I bought a rake and some lawn & leaf bags.  Maybe if I just lean it up against my house, Mr. Perfect will come over and use them.  He seems to have plenty of time on his hands.  Then I won't have to go next door and talk about him and his snooty slut of a wife.  I'm thinking that's a good trade. 

I am so tired mentally and physically.  It's turning me into a bitch, and the sad thing is, I really don't care.  It just feels like lately I'm slipping back into old habits that I fought so hard to break out of not so long ago.

I'm holding things in again... burying them until I can no longer feel them only to fall apart when they force an explosion.  I'm getting sick again.  I can feel it.  I've known it for a couple weeks now.  The fatigue is back.  My kidneys are on strike.  I knew it was happening, and I've been ignoring it.  I'm letting people walk all over me and use me again.  I find myself working so hard to please everyone all the time just like I used to do.  I'm not sleeping at night. 

And this self-loathing thing is getting old.  If I do happen to feel good, I feel guilty for it because no one around me feels good... no one is positive... no one is in a good mood anymore.  And if you live with that, then you learn to hide any positives that you may feel.  Otherwise... the guilt thing. 

I'm so easily offended and hurt these days.  When I'm being rational I know this is mostly from the fatigue, lack of sleep, and illness.  And I feel like being selfish sometimes, too.  I tiptoe around everyone.  I hurt when they hurt.  I fight so hard to keep everyone happy and well.  When is it my turn?  When does someone do the same for me?  But you know what... if you have to ask someone, then anything they might do is just going to leave you feeling empty, anyway.  So what's the point? 

I belong to a crochet forum here online.  (I know.... boring, you think)  There is thread on the board called "RAOK".  It's simply, Random Acts of Kindness.  You make a wish list, and it can have anything you want on it.  It's a wish list.  You can put a new car, or a specific kind of yarn.  Lots of people want a nice handwritten letter or a postcard from where you live.  And if someone in the forum can grant that for you, regardless of what it is, they do.  But their names are never known.  Even if it's shipped to you, and you see the name of the person who sent it, you don't tell it.  There's a place where you post your "thank you"s, but you don't list the person's name.  People who grant RAOKs are called elves.  That's the point.  It's a random act of kindness.  You don't do it in order to be recognized for doing it.  You do it because you can, and it warms your heart to show kindness without reward.  The satisfaction you get from making someone smile is the reward. 

I'm not real big on tooting my own horn, but sometimes it just gets rough being the glue that holds everyone together.  I've done it so long I'm losing my strength.  I'm the one coming apart at the seams.  And I guess I'm whining, not because it's happening and no one is stopping it, but because it's happening and no one is even noticing it. 

Or it could just be that I'm PMSing.  Either way, it doesn't make for a good evening alone. 

I hope if you celebrated Thanksgiving that it went well.  I hope you had tons to eat and were surrounded by family and friends. 

Now that it's over, I consider mine a success... mostly.  The food was great.  My family was great.  My first Thanksgiving with Terry was great although he's worked six days this week and only had Thursday off. 

But OH MY GOD it really has been hell.  The ex-mother-in-law JUST pulled outta my driveway.  It's 9am on Sunday.  She got here Wednesday night.  Thanksgiving was Thursday!  I started having nightmares by Friday night, that she was never leaving.  I was honestly beginning to think that she, her husband, and her three dogs were going to stay here forever.  I'm still afraid to exhale... thinking she might just be in the bathroom or something. 

She has insulted me in one way or another only about a million times.  The only positive thing she said all weekend is that she loves the house.  She doesn't think I'm training the puppy properly.  She doesn't think I should let the cat go in and out of the house.  She thinks I'm too easy on Bella.  I never realized just how vain she is either.  After my family left on Thursday evening she was trying to remember who each person was, and she would point them out to me by their faults.  Like, this nephew was the boy with the pimples.  She actually said, "...the one with the crater face".  HELLO?!?!  She separated my sisters as the one who obviously works harder on her appearance, is more picky about her clothing because "...she wore tighter jeans than the other one.  The other one seemed to go for the more comfortable side of appearance."  Both of my sisters looked great!  I remember thinking how pretty they both looked! 

I just really can't stand how she has to pick everything apart in order to make herself feel better.  It would be sad if it didn't piss me off so much. 

ANYWAY... she's gone now.  I can either go back to bed or start cleaning.  I think I'll clean.  I really want the smell of hundred year old dog out of my house.  I'm just so happy to have everything going back to normal I just might sit here and not move for a while.  No one is talking to me, and it feels really good.

There are so many things I want to say... so much I should be bitching about... so much I should be thankful for... but I don't have the time or the desire to talk about either.  I'd love to be left alone for a while, but at the same time, I'm terribly lonely. 

A very special man had a very scary surgery last week.  I'm worried about him, and I hope he lets me know he's ok soon.  If he's ok, and he doesn't let me know... I'll have to hunt him down and break his legs.  (Just sayin') 

I'm trying so hard to be positive.  One part of me is looking forward to Thanksgiving.  I have my dream home, and I'm celebrating my first holidays in it this year.  It's the most warming and happy place to be.... These are my first holidays with Terry.  So far we've both been horribly sick.  I hope he doesn't take this wrong, but I'm handling it better than he is so not only do I have to deal with my illness, but I'm worried about him.  I'm not saying I'm stronger than him (although I could take him, I think).  It's just that when it comes to nausea and fatigue, I'm a pro.  I live it all the time.  And unless you live it daily, you can't really build up a tolerance and learn to ignore it and get through your day in the same ways. 

Everyone around me is sick with it... whatever it is.  So that basically means, I'm on my own.  I'm going to be responsible for anything and everything that gets done... or worse, everything that doesn't. 

More than anything, I'd rather get a good ass kickin' than have my ex-mother-in-law here starting tonight.  Unfortunately there's nothing I can do about that now, but you can bet I will grow a nice big set next year, and I'll be able to tell her "no". 

I just need to get through this weekend.  Thanksgiving day will be wonderful, I think.  All my family will be here and be together.  I can't think of anything more important.  It's the rest of the weekend I'll need help with.  Her, with her self-absorbed, insulting attitude, her whimp of a husband, and their three dogs.  Hope she knows I'm not giving up my bed for her again.  Her ass is going upstairs... where the multitude of kids will be staying.  I gave her my room last year.  I was stupid.  Maybe the noise will make her go home early. 

You don't have to email me and tell me... I know, I'm a mean person.  Just one of the many things I'm paying for before I leave this world, I'm sure. 

Oh well...

It's been a long time since I've felt this overwhelmed and alone.  I'm sure I'll get through it.  I always do.  It has just caught me offguard and knocked me back a bit.  But that's ok.  I won't be sleeping toinght.  You wouldn't believe the things I have to do even if I took the time to tell you.  And I have 3 days to get it all finished.  If it happens it will only be by a miracle.... a big one.  HUGE.

"Hey Mona Lisa, who was Leonardo?
Was he Andy Warhol?
Were you Marilyn Monroe?
Hey Mozart, what kind of name is Amadeus?
It's kinda like Elvis
You gotta die to be famous
I may not go down in history
I just want someone to remember me

I'll probably never hold a brush
that paints a masterpiece
Probably never find a pen
that writes a symphony
But if I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind

Hey Midas, you say you have the magic touch
But even all that shiny stuff
Someday is gonna turn to dust
Hey Jesus, it must have been some Sunday morning
In a blaze of glory!
We're still tellin' your story
I may not go down in history
I just want someone to remember me

I'll probably never dream a dream
and watch it turn to gold
I know I'll never lose my life
to save another soul
But, if I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind

Hey baby, see the future that we're building?
Our love lives on in the lives of our children
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind"

Not only does he rock in person but Billy Joel has a song for EVERYTHING.  Trust me on this...

It's Monday.  I'm not sure how I feel about that just yet.  Obviously that's a better start than my days have been lately because I've gotten up already hating them. 

I'm not a bad person.  Not even a hateful person.  Just a tired one.  I think maybe I'm feeling better so I might actually make it through a day without crying, puking, or drugging myself too much.  Imagine that. 

I did get a few things done this weekend.  I'm still terribly behind, but at least I accomplished something. 

It's COLD.  I love it.  We actually have a chance of snow later in the week.  I'm going to start praying now.  I really want snow this year.  I'm not holding my breath, but a girl can dream. 

I have lots of dreams.  I refuse to give up on them, too.  I might sound like I'm going to drop my basket every once in a while, but it's just an empty threat. 

I'm going to try to get more finished today.  I should make a list like IML.  I used to make lists, and I used to actually complete them.  But I know if I made one now, it would just be a reminder of everything I don't get done.  I can't handle the pressure. 

Oh I take back that whole thing I just said about being happy it's cold.  Ophelia just scratched at the door wanting back into the house, and when I opened the door a huge gust of wind hit me hard.  OUCH!  Shiver!  Please don't make me go out there!  It wouldn't have been that cold if not for the wind!  I really want to crawl onto the couch with a blanket.  Can't do that, but I want to!  Time to get moving.  I'm just avoiding the inevitable. 

Happy Monday.

There is so much to be said for middle of the night breakdowns.  Nothing has changed since the one in my previous post, but I do realize that IML is right in her comment.  It's such a painful situation because however I decide to handle it, it is something that will be in my face and directly connected to me for the rest of my life.  More than likely I will just pretend it and the people involved do not exist.  I'm good at that... too good at it.  I could probably win the battle if I wanted to go back to being fake.  But I can't do that. 

This morning isn't even close to being a fresh new start.  I'm afraid to move.  Yesterday was such a catastrophe I don't want to think about what this day will bring considering I got even less sleep last night.  I thought I was getting better.  Apparently I'm not. 

This is my favorite time of year.  This is the time I feel most alive and happy.  All these things should not be bringing me down right now.  There is just so much stress.  And there's so much stupidity!  I'm forced to deal with it all, and I'm hating it. 

Example? 

My ex-mother-in-law... a lady who has never once taken responsibility for a single issue her children have... a woman who blames every mistake she's ever made on someone else.... someone who believes no one on earth is quite as smart, beautiful, or sophisticated as she is... this lady who treated me horribly the whole time I was married to her son... (I didn't take it personally, she treats everyone that way.)  She thinks the world is a better place just because she's graced us all with her presence, and in truth, she's a horribly mean self-centered skillet-licking redneck that should just go off and build a commune somewhere so she can preach her "anti-government, holier than heaven, let's bring back the slaves" idiocy where only her husband and her dogs have to hear it.  (Her husband hates her as much as everyone else.  He's just afraid of her.) 

ANYWAY... she has decided that she's going to stay in my life and drive me crazy forever.  NOW she's my best friend.  NOW she worries about my health and happiness... and to put it mildly, I think she's stalking me.  Maybe she's trying to kill me. 

She called me thirty-two times last week.  I'm not lying.  I wasn't answering the phone... totally screening.  I was sick!  And at the end of the week,  there were thrity-two appearances of her number on my history. 

HELLO?! 

She has a daughter with a family in VA.  Her son is now happily engaged again and back from Iraq living in Tx.  She has a mother and family living down there near her in FL.  And guess where she's asked to come for Thanksgiving! 

I don't know what I did in my previous life to deserve this, but I must have been a real bitch to bring on this sort of karma. 

And oh my god what a sweet wonderful man Terry has been about the whole situation!  He was such a total hero when we drove down to get Mr. Limpet from her.  I don't think he fully understood me when I was describing her to him... letting him know that basically, if I didn't go get the dog, she'd just drive me crazy and probably bring him up here herself! 

After meeting her, he understood!  What time he wasn't pulling over to let me puke on the way home from Atlanta, we were laughing about the entire situation.  Getting ready to leave that morning, she'd hugged him, and warned him not to hurt me!!! ... blah blah blah.  Can you say "freak"?! (and not in a good way)  WHERE was she when her son putting me through hell on earth?

Ugh... I can't even think about it.  It's too much for my tired sick little brain today.  I NEED a vacation.  I NEED a chance to have a complete mental and emotional breakdown and time to give it the fifteen minutes it needs.  Then I need the chance to pick myself back up and feel refreshed and renewed. 

You know, I'm going to write a book someday.  David has always told me to write a book.  He says it would sell millions of copies, and even though no one would want to believe it's all true, they'd have to believe it.... because, according to David, "Angel, people just can't make this shit up!"

A long time ago I realized that something had changed me.  I'd gone from being a very independent confident person... a warm and loving, accepting woman to feeling unworthy of, and less than everything and everyone around me.  I didn't blame anyone or anything.  I had allowed it to happen.  It was my fault.  The numb emotionless shell that I had become was the result of me allowing things and people in my life to destroy the fire inside me.  My self-esteem was a fairytale.  And I swore I'd never let it happen again. 

Then I did.  He took everything that was real and alive about me and stomped it and insulted it and destroyed everything that was truly me.  I let him.  It was my fault.  When you give someone that sort of power it's only natural that it would be something that might go to their head.  Of course it will be used against you. 

Ths time as I crawled back out of the hole I found myself hiding in, and I took note of the person I'd become and who I really am.  I memorized every single tear, every ounce of pain.  I allowed it to swallow me and spit me back up so that it would be too real for me to ever forget.  So that no one would ever be able to take me away from myself again. 

I had to learn from my mistakes.  I had to learn that there are some people on this earth, whether they mean to or not, must make those around them feel less... less happiness, less security, less confidence, less love.

And I was doing so well.  I'd learned to focus on all the miracles in my life... the people, places, and things that I truly love.  Those who truly love me in return.  I found comfort in how all that support and love was helping me break free of the anger and resentment that had taken over.  The woman I was pretending to be was slowing giving way to the  person I really am. 

Because I am someone.  And I am a person that deserves so much from life.  I've fought hard for life, I deserve the happiness it can bring. 

I thought. 

And now, here, this moment, like the deepest sea, the the most violent storm... I felt it again.  I'm letting something make me feel unworthy, insecure... beneath those around me.... not good enough.  And before I feel myself beginning to suffocate, and feel the pain that is unbearable... before I drown in these waves of torment and agony, I will remove myself from the water.  And I will crawl so far onto the shore away from everything no one will be able to find me.  A desserted island.  If there's nothing around then there's nothing to fear.

It's a phase, right?  You know.... those phases where absolutely everything goes wrong?  From super huge (illness) to super small (just spilling my coffee everywhere).  It will get better, right? 

Lie to me, baby.

I was trying to be a good girl this morning.  I was going to wait until the coffee and drugs started to kick in before I blogged so I didn't sound so disgustingly defeated and depressed. 

Forget that.  It just hasn't been my week.  I can't believe I knocked over that mug.  Now, mind you, my "cup" of coffee every morning is the size of what my coffee pot says is three cups.  It could have been worse.  It only hit the very bottom of the back of the couch.  It could have been all over the couch instead of the floor. 

Yes, that was my veiled attempt at positive thinking for the day.  

It really is ok.  my mood will improve once I get the new coffee in my system.  Unfortunately due to absolutely no sleep last night, the good mood will undoubtedly only last as long as the meds and caffeine.  I'm not sure why I didn't sleep.  One of those nights when it was just impossible to shut down. 

I just want to get through the day and be able to see progress in SOMETHING at the end of it.  I don't know.  The roof of my house is looking better every minute. 

*UPDATE* 

Seconds after posting this I knocked over Bella's drink and dropped my knitting needle behind the radiator heater in my bedroom.  The protective covering over it is hiding my needle.  My roof isn't THAT steep.  I could make it to the edge without sliding.

It's a bloodshot morning, and I probably should just go back to bed.  Rest might fix my seesawing emotions going from complete hysteria to a state of catatonic listlessness in 2.0. 

But where's the fun in that? 

If I thought about everything I have to do, I'd climb to my roof and jump.  The biggest thing keeping me from that is the knowledge that with my luck, I'd only break an arm which would then make everything I have to do that much harder. 

Do you see an eminent breakdown anywhere in these words?  Oh come on... you're not looking hard enough. 

There's a strange little monkey on my back these days, and I'm going to strangle his sorry ass if I ever reach him.

Sometimes when it starts to get late I really want to go to bed and sleep, but for some reason I dread it.  I put it off.  I don't want to sink down into the covers and get comfortable, but I have no idea why.  I'm sure it doesn't help when I'm feeling bad and finding it hard to breathe.  But the truth is I'd dread it anyway. 

Maybe it's the morning I dread.  Maybe I don't want to wake up early after a restless sleep only to be faced with the mountain of things I need to get done.  I hate when I put things off.  I'm much less stressed when I can get the things that are bothering me worked out so that they're behind me. 

I'm not one to dwell... at least I haven't always been the type to hold onto something after it's gone.  But sometimes I find myself wrapped around regrets, doubts, fears, anxieties... holding them against me as if they made up a perfect lover between my legs.  It's a weakness really.  And I don't want it to become who I am. 

I'm not afraid of change.  I'm tired of the uncertainty.  I used to welcome the freefall into an unknown abyss.  You could tell that just by the many moves across countries looking for geographical cures that were never more than the big red X on a fantasy treasure map.  The treasure isn't something I should have wasted my life in search of... it's inside of me.  I believe I'm just afraid to open it thinking it might end up being fool's gold insted of the real thing. 

Maybe I don't know the real me anymore.  It would seem that every time I think I know who I am I find out something else that makes me do a double take in front of a mirror.  Maybe I don't really know the person staring back at me at all.  When I figure her out, you'll be the first to know.

My head is sooo stuffy.  My ears hurt.  My head hurts.  (I know, Terry.  There are drugs for that.)  ANYWAY... other than that, I've had a good day.  My house is still trashed, but I don't really care.  I'll worry about that tomorrow. 

I went out to get groceries this afternoon.  There really needs to be food in a house where children are present.  But I couldn't shop for food because I was so caught up in all the holiday stuff!  I'm getting the bug already, and it's just the beginning of November!  I was a good girl, though.  Every single holiday item that managed to "accidently" fall into my cart, I ended up putting back.

I did get a couple small gifts for my Holiday Exchange partner on the crochet forum I belong to... but you all don't want to read about that.  It will give you the impression I'm a blue-haired little old lady sitting in front of the fire with my knitting basket at my feet.  

While on some nights that isn't far from the truth, I'm in no way old, blue-haired, or pacified to waste away without adventure.  But then again, it isn't every night that I'm sneaking around on historic college campuses and having sex out in the open (until the deer scare us away), either.  *cough* 

I'm a pretty average person, I think.  And I'm ok with that.  I wasn't always.  There was a time in my life when I just had to be the best at everything.  Took me a while, but I'm almost over that. 

I don't mean to cut this post short, but I think the little rat I call a puppy is chewing up something underneath my bed.  I'm going to have to hurt him.  Puppy military school, maybe? ugh 

It's cold outside.  But the sun is gloriously bright!  NO RAIN!  I used to love the rain... still do if it's in the middle of the night, and I'm curled up with Terry.  But not ANY OTHER TIME... We've broken records for the past two years for rainfall around here.  I'm starting to feel like I'm living in Seattle.  I know this from personal experience because I used to live in Montana, and I dated a guy from Seattle so I spent lots of time across the state line.  I loved Seattle then.... almost moved there.  I think I'd hate it now. 

I should be outside taking down the flying bats, vampires, ghosts... lighted pumpkins, slime lights, the 200lb. fog machine, and tombstones.  I should.  But I doubt I do it.  The house is trashed, and I need to work on it first.  I'll save the yard for Mr. Halloween... since most of it was his idea!  Not that I didn't enjoy it.  We had sooooo many compliments!  People would stop in the street and tell us we had the best decorations in town.  I was proud.:)  I wish we'd taken pics, and we probably would have except the big night... Halloween... guess what... it RAINED, of course.  Poured... those poor kids braved the monsoon to come get our candy and see the house.  Why shouldn't they... our house looked haunted, and I made up awesome treat bags... better than they were getting anywhere else! 

Am I bragging too much?  I don't care.  I need to brag some!  This has been a horrible few weeks for us, and I want to accentuate the positive for a change.  I feel a little more settled today.  I think I'm finally coming down from the anxiety of late.  I've reached levels of dread and stress that I honestly didn't know existed.  If my family had not, for once, stuck together and shared the burden... (they've NEVER done that before.  David knows how unbelievable this is...)... and if I didn't have Terry, I don't think I'd have made it this time around.  I know people say that all the time, and we always find a way through, but this time I honestly think I'd reached a breaking point.  Good thing with all this positive energy around me, I only cracked. ;)

This has been  a really rough week.  My mother had a heart attack.  I haven't been feeling well, so hours spent in hospitals worrying myself sick were even worse than they would have normally been.  But the thing is... it's ok.  She's fine.  She's doing wonderfully, and I'm feeling better. 

My family did really good in working together and supporting each other through the whole ordeal.  There were a few times when I wanted to hurt someone, but having Terry by my side the entire time probably saved more than one life.  The fact that I wanted to strangle my sister-in-law more than once doesn't even seem to matter now because everything is so much better.  Mom is expected to make a full recovery. 

I don't plan to do anything this weekend.  I'm tired, and I've missed my house over the past few days.  I just want to stay inside, in front of the fireplace, in comfortable (non-sexy) pjs, with good movies, and lots of comfort food. 

There are so many good things to write about.  So many things to bitch about... tons of things to ponder, but I've been so busy.  Cold weather is coming.  It seems like we all get much more creative and deep in the winter.  I'm thinking it's actually because it's cold outside so we're stuck inside in front of our computers more.... but I could be wrong. 

There is frost outside.  I'd rather be having hot monkey sex in bed right now instead of braving the cold.  Sometimes life just isn't fair...