"In my daughter's eyes... I am a hero.  I am strong and wise, and I know no fear.  But the truth is plain to see.  She was sent to rescue me.  I see who I want to be in my daughter's eyes. 

In my daughter's eyes, everyone is equal.  Darkness turns to light, and the world is at peace.  This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak.  I find reason to believe.. in my daughter's eyes. 

When she wraps her hand around my finger, it puts a smile in my heart.  Everything becomes a little clearer.  I realize what life is all about.  It's hanging on when your heart has had enough.  It's giving more when you feel like giving up.  I've seen the light.  It's in my daughter's eyes. 

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future.  A reflection of who I am and what will be.  And though she'll grow and someday leave... maybe raise a family.  when I'm gone I hope you'll see how happy she made me.  For I'll be there... in my daugther's eyes."

My Bella is four today...  Happy Birthday, Bella.  Mommy loves you very much.

My first love is fifty-five years old today.  I remember growing up hearing people say he looked like Elvis.  I didn't care who he looked like, he was perfect to me.

My first memories of him are of his hands... strong, rough... work hands.  If he's within reach, I will NOT fall.  He'd dive off a cliff to catch me.  Warm hands.  Loving hands.  Protecting hands.

Next things to notice about him are his eyes.  When those dark eyes look at you, they will either put you on top of the earth or make you feel two inches tall... depending upon what you deserve.  I've never seen hatred in his eyes.  Eyes full of compassion, love, acceptance... pride.  Eyes that can see through your pain to the other side.  Beautiful comforting eyes.

Then there's his arms and shoulders... all the support in the world.  Wide, strong, sheltering...  Nothing's getting through those arms if he doesn't want it to...

When I was a little girl, I used to do whatever it took to get his attention.  It didn't take much.  He loved me.  He showed it every single day in a million ways.  As I grew up, I lived to have him proud of me... smile at me... and never once has he said I've let him down.. even though I'm sure I have.  Never has he made me feel less than perfect, cherished, important. 

He celebrated his thirty-fifth wedding anniversary last week.  Thirty-five years later, and he still thinks there's no one on earth like his wife.  She's his only need.  He cherishes his family.  If they need something... somehow, someway he'll get it.  He'll find a way.  They've never called upon him, and had  him turn them away.  As long as he's alive, they never will.

He never takes credit for anything.  He never complains.  He says that you must begin a meeting liking the person in front of you.  They get that just because they're human and God has chosen to put them on this earth.  What they do from that point on... the impressions they make and leave are totally up to them.  But you start out with respect. 

I believe most of the good things about me are because of who he is... who he taught me to be.  I still want to be just like him someday.  If I'm even close, I'll be someone worth knowing.

My Mom says they don't make men like him anymore.  He'll always be my first love.  Today is my Daddy's birthday... the world is a better place because he's been in it all these years. 

I've worked absolutely nothing this week compared to what I normally work and yet I feel like I've put in double hours or something.  I'm sooo tired. 

We had storms yesterday!  Complete with thunder, lightning, and hail!  Imagine that!  In December... it's just weird.  Don't talk to my Dad about it, though... he'll get all Biblical on ya.  Not that getting that way is a bad thing I guess... I don't know.  Just be careful.

I was really sick over the holidays, but I'm finally getting better.  Well... except for this huge fever blister on my lip.  I've never had one before.  It's driving me insane.  Amazing how selfconscious something like this can make you feel.  Maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal if I wasn't constantly face to face with important people at work.  Ok.. I'm lying.  It would be a big deal anyway. 

It hurts!  And itches!  Prince W says it's no big deal at all... everybody gets fever blisters or zits or something.  Of course he says that AS he's finding something disgusting to say about it.  It's not nearly as funny as he seems to think!  I'll eventually have something to tease him about... a zit in the shape of Mt. Rushmore or something.

What's going on with everyone this weekend?  I know SOMEONE has to have big party plans.  I'll be lucky to stay awake to welcome in the new year.  I went out last year, and while I had fun, I'd have rather been home.  I think I might be too old to party.  Imagine that... No tequila for me this year!

I have to start my day now... I don't want to, but I have to... I want to go back to bed.  I'm not in a very good mood today.  I just don't know why.  I'm going to try not to be mean to anyone.  I'll let ya know how that goes...    

I can make Christmas dinner faster than I put together little bit's kitchen playset this morning.  She gave up and went back to bed!  Now, three hours later, she's snoring, and I'm dying to wake her up so we can "cook" together.

Instead, I'm making coffee and stopping by here to wish everyone the merriest of Christmases and the happiest of any other holiday you may be celebrating.  The people in my life are the best gifts I could have ever been given! 

I hope everyone enjoys the day and the time with family.  I'm going to see if I can find my livingroom floor now.  Much love to you all!

Look!  It's 8:30am!  Guess where I am.... NOT!  I'm off work until Tuesday.  I would laugh or dance or something but since I've coughed nonstop for 3 days now, I'm too sore to move.  Who knew ribs could hurt this badly without actually being broken.

I wanted to relax today, but my sister has talked me into doing some last minute shopping with her.  It will still be a bit relaxing.  I won't be AT WORK!  And there are a few things I have to pick up still.  This little trip is taking us a bit north... to a real mall.  We don't have those where I live.  We don't have much of anything where I live.  We have cows and horses... train tracks... water towers...  We have gas stations that still pump your gas and wash your window for you.  Never mind.  Don't get me started.

 My brother stopped by for coffee this morning.  Those of you who don't know me personally will not understand the magnitude of this and why I cried like a baby when he left.  My brother is 40 years old.  When we were growing up he was the typical older brother.  He  used to shoot holes in our little plastic swimming pools with his BB gun.  He used to pull my hair to make me cry.  I bugged my parents endlessly to teach me how to ride a bike.  Finally, being tired of me, my mother pushed me off on him.  He took me to the top of a little hill (there was a creek at the bottom), he laughed, said, "Peddle or swim"... and pushed me down it.  I learned to ride a bike that day.

He introduced to me music like The Moody Blues and Jimmy Hendrix.  He taught me how to play cards.  Once, on the schoolbus, an older kid thought he'd grab my ass when I stood up.  My brother stuck his head out the bus window and told him if he ever touched me again, they'd see how much it would hurt to have his whole body stuffed through that same little window.

Then came the drugs.  Just another lost soul looking anywhere for something to fulfill him and finding nothing but heartbreak.  I won't go into detail because most of us know someone just like him.  But from the age of 18 to 38, my brother was a total and complete nightmare.  Decades of on again, off again addictions.  Promises, lies, desperations that only a family with an addict can relate to... I hope none of you can.  There were times when I would get a phone call telling me my brother was in jail for one petty thing or another, and I would sleep well that night.  Because those were the nights when I knew where he was, and I knew he was at least safe for those hours.  The fact that I considered my brother to be safer in jail than out should tell you something.

When I moved out, I became the only sibling that wouldn't let him come around when he was high.  He couldn't come into my house... not even for a cup of coffe.  My two sisters would let him come into their homes, trash them, steal from them... it was horrible.  He almost burned down houses more than once.  I couldn't do it.  Everytime he'd go into a clinic or get straight, I was always there.  I never missed a day... never denied him anything.  But when he was high, he wasn't allowed around me.  And for years, my sisters resented me for that because they felt I was desserting him when he needed us the most.  To try and make anyone understand would be too hard, and I don't really care if anyone understands.  I later found out that he did. 

My brother has been straight for over a year now.  He has a job, he's married... he's raising a little girl.  He's the most humble, kind man... when he hugs me, I feel how much he loves me.  He asks me if I'm ok, and I know he really wants to know.  He laughs at my jokes.  He laughs a deep full laugh that I thought was gone.  He tells me he's proud of me.  He's the boy on the bus defending my honor again. 

I still worry... especially if I don't hear from him for a few days.  I panick.  My humanity makes me afraid of what that might mean.  But I never show him I worry.  My mom says she's seen me look up at him like I'm the little kid hero worshipping him just like I used to.  I think maybe that's true.

My brother stopped for coffee this morning.  It made my day.

Know what's worse than having your birthday come and go without a single member of your family remembering it?  Having your birthday come, Christmas come... while you're getting the flu.  I feel like I've been hit by a truck and the driver thought he didn't get a good enough shot so he backed up and tried again.

My immune system is at its lowest ever, and I know this because I've had more common illnesses in the past 6 months than I've had my entire life.  It's starting to piss me off.  I can't be sick, I have things to do!  I started out blaming it on the climate change from my move...  I convinced myself of that for the first few months.  I've been here a year now.  Doc yells because I don't rest enough which causes the fatigue to be worse... blood counts take nosedives... blah blah blah.  Who cares about the technicalities...  I'd love for him to take my schedule and find time for me to rest.  Prince W was yelling at me just yesterday on how things are going to be different around here after the holidays!  He's going to get me on a shedule that will be better for me.. more rest, better health!  I would have giggled outloud except laughing would have made me cough up a lung on him.  I want a vacation.

Cross your fingers that I get to leave work after my meeting today... I should have a four day weekend unless something really dumb happens.  I really don't want to go in at all, but I have to... no one else can do my job.  I guess I should be happy about that... major job security in that statement.

On a positive note, my darling Belle is MUCH better.  No more 104 temps... just a bad cough.  No one else around here ever gets sick.  I'm starting to think we're both just two big wussies.  But we're cute wussies.  Later!  I have a day....

Want to know how I know having a birthday yesterday didn't depress me too badly?  When I looked in the mirror this morning my first thought wasn't, "You frigid old hag"... it was, "Oh yeah... my hair is growing back out!"

To everybody that made my birthday special.. thank you so much.  I'm the luckiest woman in the world... I really am.

"Hear 'em singing 'Happy Birthday'
Better think about the wish I made
This year gone by ain't been a piece of cake
Every day's a revolution
Pull it together and it comes undone
Just one more candle and a trip around the sun

No, you never see it coming
Always wind up wondering where it went
Only time will tell if it was time well spent
It's another revelation
Celebrating what I should have done
With these souvenirs of my trip around the sun

I'm just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning
And it's good to know it's out of my control
If there's one thing that I've learned from all this living
Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go

Yes, I'll make a resolution
Then I'll never make another one
Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun
Just enjoy this ride ...
Until it's done"

Want to know what a LIVING zombie would look like?  I'd show you, but my sister borrowed my camera.  I'm soooo tired.  But it's ok that I'm exhausted and haven't even been to sleep.  My munchkin has some kick ass antibiotics, and as of right now, there's no fever.  I'm very cautious about the amount/type of medicines we take.  Sometimes I think I wait too long to get them because I don't want us to abuse them.  I don't want her to become an antibiotic junkie.  But she needed it this time.  We both did. 

And before I put her to bed a while ago she politely said, "I'm all better now, Mommy.  You can go to work.  Call Santa and tell him I'm all better.  I want two presents." (brat)

I want to stay home with her so badly today.  But if I do, I'll most definetly have to work Friday, and I have plans for us on Friday!  So... I've opted to leave her in the care of family today and see if we can both get through another 10 hour work load.  I hate this part.  I wish I could crawl into bed with her and not move for the whole day without any sort of negative consequence.  It helps to know she's happily drugged and probably won't remember the day, anyway.  By Friday she'll be ready for me.  (Notice how I'm trying desperately to convince myself of this?)

So today.... my best friend is my coffee cup... and probably the top of my desk when I crawl upon it to sleep later.  I'm more than likely to become irrational, outspoken, and just plain bitchy before the day is through.  I was already fighting with the flashing neon sign in my head that reads *bitter old hag*...  the exhaustion isn't going to help any.

So let me apologize now for any breakdowns, episodes, hysterical wailings that might happen between now and midnight tonight.  I'm not REALLY a lunatic, I promise.  I just play one on Mo'Time.

I fell asleep just before midnight.  I had a good evening...

But I was up at 3am. The baby is sick.  She's been up and down all night.  Now it's 6:30am, and she's wired and bouncing off walls.  I need to go to work.  We've been sick entirely too much lately.  I think we're just run down... we're tired.  There's too much going on.

I'm hyper right now... coffee... worry for her.  By the time I get to work and get to my desk, I'll be exhausted and fighting to stay awake.  I could really feel sorry for myself right now.  I could, but I'm not going to let that happen.  There are hundreds and hundreds of single parents out there this morning feeling the same pressures, the same worries... many of them with even more on them than I have...they'll get through the day just like I'll get through the day.  It's just that sometimes, even knowing you're not alone in the struggle doesn't make it any easy to handle.

Normally Christmas doesn't stress me out.  I'm very lucky to have a family where the gifts... the financial material side isn't important.  For us, we're just all happy to be here another year.  So I think that plays a big part in why I love the holidays so much.  But this year... it's stressing me bigtime.  I just want it to hurry up and be gone. 

Maybe it's because I fee like I'm stuck.  I'm fighting that feeling to pack my bags and leave... to... who knows where.  I hate when I get like this.  It makes me unsettled and anxious... nervous... miserable.  Being happy and miserable at the same time requires great effort, you know.  Effort I don't have time to sacrifice. 

I know I'm hard to understand.  I feel sorry for the people in my life.  It has to be agony to love me.  I can only imagine how many times a day they want to strangle me... knock some sense into me.  I feel like such a brat sometimes.  I'm sorry I'm such hard work.

I couldn't sleep last night.  I'm not sure why.  It was just so hard falling asleep.  After finally falling asleep, the phone rang at 4am.  I didn't hear it at first.  I know this by the 5 messages on my answering machine... the ones that caught the recorded message, "... you have reached an answering device...".  It was an international collect call. 

God and Goddess help me I simply cannot go through this again.  I can't do it.  I'm just not strong enough.  I pretend to be strong and secure, able to laugh off everything.  I can't this time.  I can't go through this another year.  I just wasn't meant for this kind of life.  I can't imagine anyone being meant for it.  But some people are.  Some people seem to thrive on the drama of it all.  I can't.  I'm not strong enough.

I can't listen to him talk about buying cheap computer parts over there in the same conversation he talks about mortar attacks blowing bodies around like paper.  I can't do this another year.  I just can't.  It was supposed to be someone else listening to this now.  I'm not his anymore.  I'm not his toy, his plaything. I no longer sit on the shelf waiting for attention.  I don't want his attention now.  I don't want to be the one waking up to 4am phone calls.

I'm such a horrible person.  I should be willing to sit and listen to him as long as he needs me.  He's the one going through it.  The normal things in the conversation... they're just his way of dealing with it all.  I know that.  The least I could do is LISTEN.  I'm such a weak little coward.  I'm a coward because I just can't do it.  I can't do it, but I can't NOT do it.  I can't interrupt him and say, "I'm sorry.  I can't do this.  Call someone else.".  What a horrible person I am for even thinking it.

I want to be one of those people I see all the time that seem so unaware of it all.  I want to be someone that feels like that's another world, another time.  It's not really happening in my time.  I want to be so self-absorbed that I'm blind and ignorant to it all.  I can't handle knowing what I know.. feeling the way I feel about it all.  I don't want to hear about it.  I don't want to hear the things the news doesn't tell.  I don't want to read letters describing things no one else will ever know.  I don't want to hear his voice... the voices of his friends in the background... all sounding so defeated... so lost.  They all sound like lost little boys.

This is when I wonder about "God"... my Daddy's God.   Daddy will tell you this has to happen.  It has to play out... it's in the Bible.  Excuse the hell outta me... but isn't he GOD?!?!  He doesn't HAVE to DO anything!  He doesn't have to let this play out... can't he excuse himself from the teaparty and step downstairs to check on the kids?!  Can't he make us all go home for playing too rough?  This loving, compassionate entity that wants to save our sick and dying souls from eternal hell... the one who loves us so much he gave the ultimate sacrifice... This is the same deity that's allowing this nightmare of hell on earth play out without stepping in??  It's the same being??  I'm sorry... I'm not buying that.  I don't believe that.  Free will and all that jazz... I'm sorry.  If I could be GOD... even if I DID  promise free will to my little toy creations, I'd have taken that crap back long ago.  I'd have stopped this.  I'd have changed my mind.  I'd be GOD... I could do that... change my mind.

I can't do this again.  I'm not strong enough.  Somebody up there... down here... somebody had better help me because I can't do this...   I'm such a coward.

I have to post this song.  A girlfriend sent me the lyrics to a song I've never heard... to "remind" me of crazier times in my life and why I NEVER drink Tequila without someone around to take care of me!  Unfortunately she's witnessed some of my tequila nights... things she's never going to let me live down...

"SHE SAID I'M GOING OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS
MAGUARITAS AT THE HOLIDAY INN
OH MERCY...MY ONLY THOUGHT
WAS TEQUILA MAKES HER CLOTHES FALL OFF

I TOLD HER "PUT AN EXTRA LAYER ON"
I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SHE DRINKS PATRONE
HER CLOSET'S MISSING HALF THE THINGS SHE BOUGHT
TEQUILA MAKES HER CLOTHES FALL OFF

SHE'LL START BY KICKING OUT OF HER SHOES
LOSE AN EARRING IN HER DRINK
LEAVE HER JACKET IN THE BATH ROOM STALL
DROP A CONTACT DOWN THE SINK

THEM PANTYHOSE AIN'T GONNA LAST TOO LONG
IF THE DJ PUTS BON JOVI ON
SHE MIGHT COME HOME IN A TABLECLOTH
TEQUILA MAKES HER CLOTHES FALL OFF

SHE CAN HANDLE ANY CHAMPAIGNE BRUNCH
BRIDAL SHOWER WITH BACARDI PUNCH
JELLO SHOOTERS FULL OF SMIRNOFF...

BUT TEQUILA MAKES HER CLOTHES FALL OFF

SHE DON'T MEAN NOTHING
SHE'S JUST HAVING FUN
TOMORROW SHE'LL SAY
"OH WHAT HAVE I DONE"
HER FRIENDS WILL JOKE ABOUT THE STUFF SHE LOST
CAUSE TEQUILA MAKES HER CLOTHES FALL OFF"  

We won't be discussing any inspiration I might have given her for sending me this email... unless you get me drunk on tequila first... 

Tell me how someone can be so happy but still feel like she's coming apart at the seams... all at the same time.

Is there a name for this?  Is it a disorder that can be treated?  Are there drugs that can help?

How can you feel a sweet contented satisfaction yet have this longing ache buried inside of you that just never goes away?

If I had the house and the backyard that I want, would it make me happier to wake up every morning.. give me that feeling of calmness... being settled, or would it just make me feel more trapped? 

If I held him would it ease the desire or would it just get worse?  Would making it worse somehow make it all better?

My mind gets swept away sometimes.  I can't think.  There are no thought processes.  I can't hang onto a single thought more than a second.  I always end up losing myself in this kneebuckling ache that just grows and grows.  It takes me over, and I don't know where it ends and I begin.

I'm tripping over words.. over my own feet.  I see people in front of me, but I'm looking right through them.  I hear people talking to me, but it's in muffled mumbles.  I know things I should be doing, and I just keep saying to myself, "Get up and do it.".  But I don't.  I sit here just hearing the command... never obeying it.

Someday I'm going to give over to this... whatever it is.  I'm going to ride it out and just see where it takes me.  Maybe I already am...

Today is my little sister's birthday.  She's thirty-two.  She's the most amazing person.  What she goes through...  she blows my mind.  With all my problems, I have it fairly easy compared to my little sister.  You see... she's a statistic.  She's one of those pregnant at fifteen to get away from home... married to a deadbeat, going nowhere anytime soon, with no real education... southern statistic. 

At least she was...  she's thirty-two today.  She got her G.E.D., she's in college.... criminal justice.  She has a great job.  She flew this year... for the first time ever.  She's feeling good about herself... it's just a matter of time before she turns her new found confidence toward her personal life.  I'm silently praying that she rids herself of the pond scum she's married to... but that's a personal opinion.  I won't get myself started.  She's trying.  She's doing the best she can... and I'm so proud of her.

 I've always been very close to her.  We're as different as night and day.  I think she's the strongest person I've ever known.  She says I'm her hero.   Our mutual love and admiration for each other is what gets us through our pain.  I'm sure of this.  We've always been there for each other.  I know we will always be...  it's just how we're made.

Family is a big deal to us... come on, we're southern.  It should be a big deal to everyone.  I've spent the past three days at the hospital.  My aunt is critically ill... it was a sudden thing.  She's not doing well.  She's not just an aunt... she's an extension of my mother.  We know there's nothing we can do really.  But we're still there... just in case.  I sat with her for a while yesterday while my cousins and uncle went to shower and get food.  It reminded me of the Christmas I had to rush home from Texas to be with my mother... almost exact circumstances.   You feel so helpless.

 Today is my sister's birthday.  My love for her is endless.  I'd take on hell with a squirt gun for tha girl.  I know she would for me, too.  Cause we're sisters.  That's just what you do...  :) 

Happy birthday, sis.  You rock.

 My breakdown has been postponed.  The soulsearching will have to wait.   Any intellectual stimulation will be rescheduled.  Creativity is on hold until further notice.  Insight and translation is cancelled indefinetly.  Wisdom left early.  Moral inclinations have been delayed.

Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you my mind has gone on strike.  Sanity has left the building...

I'm drugged.. and the world is really pretty.

My conversation with the toddler on the way to work this morning: (remember we leave before sunrise most days)

Bella:  Mommy, that star is moving.  Why is it moving?

Me:  ummm.... because it's following you, Belle.  It wants to go where you go.

Really?  I never knew that before!

Yep.  Really.  Cool, huh?

Yep.  Cool.  That star is my best friend.

(laugh)  Yep.

(Fifteen minutes later)

Mom?  Where did my star go?  Did it leave?

No, it didn't.  It's just that the sun woke up now.  He's brighter than the star so you just can't see him right now.  But your star is still there.

(deep thought)

Ok... turn the sun off then... so I can see my star.

You can't just turn the sun off, Belle.  He gets to come out during the day while the stars sleep.  Then he sleeps at night while the stars are out.

Fine.  (pulling little blanket around her) Wake me back up when the sun goes to sleep again.

Scratch the part of today's post where I get to relax, go back to bed, and try to feel better.  I was there long enough to get warm when the phone rang.  Work needed some info...  back to bed... phone rang...  School calling... A nephew....  He noticed I was home and forgot to get a permission slip for a field trip signed.... would I PLEASE come sign it.  His Mom can't leave work and told the school to let me sign it, and they agreed.  Everyone just forgot that whole part about if I'M HOME I MUST NOT BE WELL!  Remember now... not a child of mine... not even one of the nephews that tries to live with me!  Yes...  I got up and drove across the street to sign the form.  He hugged me.  Didn't make it worth it, though... he's not THAT cute.

Back home... taking off the sweatshirt I threw on... going back to bed... phone rang... WORK.  "I need your password to get into gateway three."  I'm thinking... sure... shove it up your.... 

Coffee's ready... that's all that matters now.

I'm not going to work today.  I'm tired.  I'm sick.  And I'm entirely too close to telling them to piss off.  Since I need to work in order to pay my bills, it's best I just call in sick and still have a job to go to tomorrow, right?  It isn't a bad job.  It's ok.  I'm just tired.  I need to figure out this whole thing called sleep.  I'm thinking if I actually started doing that I'd feel better.  I might be able to concentrate and appear relatively normal during my waking hours.  As it is right now, I'm more of a wild-eyed psycho chick looking person.  Not an image I want to keep... although I've had it pretty much all my life!

I'm not going to do anything overly exhausting today, either.  I'm going to be a complete bum.  This isn't as much by choice as I'm allowing you to think.  It doesn't help that I can't walk through the house without throwing up.  That pretty much insists I do nothing today.  I like doing nothing.  It's fun sometimes.  For instance, as soon as I finish this ridiculously boring post, I'm going back to bed.  I didn't sleep at all last night, so now is my chance. 

I will do laundry today.  I'm going to give Tink a bath...  I need to take pictures.  Last time I took her pic for here she was the size of my cell.  She's grown!  I cleaned out the fish tank this weekend.  That only took 3 hours.  I want to get rid of it sooo bad... downsize or something!  But I just can't.  I don't have the heart.  I'm afraid I'll miss it too much. 

Speaking of animals, there is a cockatiel coming to our house soon.  Santa is bringing him.  GEEZ... I heard those groans all the way over here!  I know what you're thinking...  I know what you're saying!  It's better than a videogame or a Barbie!  At least this way it's some kind of interaction that might actually be healthy.  And yeah... it's just something else I'm going to have to clean up after around here.  I couldn't pass him up!  He whistles the tune to "The Andy Griffith Show"!  It's just too cute.  I caved.... he looked at me, said "pretty bird".... and it was over.  Besides... Tink is getting on my nerves lately.  She might end up ... swimming with the fishes... before too much longer... you just never know!

 The bird needs a name.  I'm going to pretend the petshop already had him named so that I can pick a name and we don't end up with another Tinkerbell... or Harry Potter or something.  So....  (Shut up.  I'm not naming him Opie)...  any suggestions?  If someone doesn't come up with something soon, I'm going to have to name the damn bird Opie.  He'll hate me forever.  It's important that the bird likes me.  I'll be his caregiver until I drown him in the fishtank with Tink.  (I know I'll regret this... shut up.  lol)  Don't try to talk me out of it.  It's too late.  I've already bought him and a huge Aladdin looking cage for him to live in... he's presently having an extended sleepover at my older sister's house.  It will be ok, I promise.:)

You think buying all these animals is saying something on a psychological level... like maybe I miss company... interaction, affection?  Nah... it just says I'm stupid, impulsive, and haven't learned a dang thing in my almost thirty-four years on this earth.

Think on the name...  I'm going back to bed. 

Scene One of a Modern Day fairytale

Once upon a time in a faraway land there lived a modern day princess.  She wasn't really a princess.  She was an overworked, underpaid, hardly sane drama magnet that fashioned herself a princess.  One day, after a very stressful week at the office having to deal with her dragon of a boss, she locked herself in the castle tower and decided to never come out again.  She would have loved to have been dramatic enough to hurl herself out the tower window in order to go out in a splendid blaze of glory, but she couldn't go near the window.  She was afraid of heights.  Just one of the many complexes and phobias that taunted our fair maiden.

While completely filled with self-pity and loathing sitting in the middle of the tower room, (she couldn't sit in the corner... the room was round) the princess had stopped a particularly shrill hysterical sob just in time to hear the sound of hooves on the cobblestone below.  Curiosity getting the better of her, (enter stunt double)  she fought her fear of the tall tower and crawled over to the window.  Standing up and leaning out the window just enough to see the ground below, the princess was overcome with joy!  Down in the courtyard below, just beside a passing knight on a horse, stood a brave stranger leaned against his SUV!

The gentleman smiled a wiley smile up in the princess' direction, and when he opened his mouth to speak, she heard the most beautiful voice ever.  "You really shouldn't lean over like that!  You'll fall out the damn window!"  Not to be besotted or bewitched by the stranger's obvious concern for her safety, the princess let out a deep sigh.  "It doesn't matter if I fall!  I grow weary of the daily drivel of my life, anyway."

"O fair princess!  Don't speak such words of defeat!  Please!  Let down your crimson hair and let me climb up to save you from yourself!"

Another deep sigh.  "I can't.  I got drunk a few weeks ago, let some chick more drunk than me dye it... now I have split ends.  You'd  just break it off and fall to your death.  Can we stop all this yelling now, please?  Just call me on my cell."  So the princess yelled down her cell number and the dark man called up to the tower from the ground below.

"So... what's your name, dear princess?"  The princess could hear him smile into the phone as he spoke.  "Princess Angel... I kid you not.  What should I call you other than my hero?"  she asked.

"Sir William.  Yes, that's it... because you know so many other men who have my first name... it'll make things easier this way."  There was a chuckle.  He was teasing her.  "I suppose since I can't climb your hair to save you I'll just have to take the elevator."

So the two talked and talked while the handsome hero walked around the guarded castle to find the elevator.  They spoke of things they had in common, their hopes and dreams, their lives.  They only stopped when the doors opened for him to step inside... bad reception in elevators, you know.

Once at the top of the tower, Sir William ran through the tower room door straight into the arms of the waiting princess.  He promised to take away all the boring mundane moments of her life  to always supply her with something to make her smile everyday.  (NOT!  This is a G-rated story!)  They left the dark tall tower holding hands.  When they reached the courtyard, Sir William opened the door of his SUV and waited for Princess Angel to get inside.  She was nervous.  You see, she was a bit short and she was going to have to do a very unlady like hop to get into that hellaciously big thing.  She managed to climb inside still portraying every bit a princess.  He walked to the other side, got in, and turned the vehicle into the setting sun.... all was suddnely right with the world.... for now.

Scene fades to black

"So.... can I call you Willie?"

"Not if you expect me to actually answer."

Roll credits