I swear I don't make this stuff up...

Let me tell you about my Thursday.  It doesn't seem like the blogging world had a whole lot to say this week so maybe my boring stuff will give you a laugh... at me!

Last week was bad, emotional... poor me kind of bad.  This week... this week has been my normal Thursday night sitcom life.

I cannot house train the stupid little ratlooking dog I have.  I'm never home long enough.  Just how many times can you steam clean a rug before it starts to matter?  I honestly have no idea how people with indoor pets and children survive without a steamcleaner. 

Strep is running around my house, and I'm not liking the little bugger.  I missed work.  I've cleaned up more puke and dried more tears this week than I'll ever care to remember.  I've passed out more drugs and taken more myself than you can possibly imagine just this week.  I'm soooo behind at work.

Every person I've ever hated but been too southern to admit it has called me at some point this week to "catch up".  I mean, really...  I go for months at a time not answering my phone or returning their calls... is it soooo hard to grasp?

Then comes Thursday...  the baby has been so sick.  I've been in agony more over her being sick than myself.  But in the wee hours of Thursday morning, long after I believe the hurling and crying has stopped, I wake up.....  wet.  (now, now....)  She peed on me.  I let her sleep with me, and she peed on me.  She's the only thing in the house potty trained, and she peed on me.

It took FOREVER to get us cleaned up and back into a clean bed.  (steam cleaners... I'm telling ya)

5am comes awfully early sometimes.  But at 5am I stumbled outta bed and to the shower.  Minutes later I'm butt naked with a towel on my head in front of a mirror with one eyebrow neatly pluked and the other one looking scared.  Thunder booms, rain is pouring down, the electricity goes off.  Yes... it's dark.  So I get to try to pluck the other eyebrow by candlelight... I get to go to work with hair plastered to my head, no hairdrying, no curling iron, no straightening iron.... NO iron!  My clothes...  I fumbled through the closet, found the beige sweater I wanted, pulled out the darker brown slacks that would match, shoes... everything. 

EXCEPT when I got to work and it wasn't dark outside anymore... my darker beige slacke were GREEN!!!!!  My hair was totally funky, my eyebrow was...  (ugh)... and my pants were green.  It just couldn't turn into a more lovely day.

And this was the day of all days, on my way out the door, a co-worker asks me out.  Normally I'd have had something witty to say about not dating at work, that sort of thing.  But this time, I just looked down at my green pants, back up at him, paused and said..."no".... walked out the door.

Ater all, do I really want to date a man who could find a one-eyebrowed, colorblind, frantic, total mental case of a woman attractive?

~wait a minute...  maybe I should have gotten his number~

I've done something tonight...

It has taken me years to get to here.  I've accomplished something I've been trying to do for the longest time.  It hasn't happened without oceans of tears, canyons of heartache, and more soul searching than you can ever imagine.

But tonight, after some tears, some regrets, some goodbyes... some bittersweet memories being replayed...

I have finally learned how to do it...  I've let go...

"My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away.

But every now and then you come to mind.

Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game.

But when your name was called, you found a place to hide.

When you knew that I was always on your side.

Everything was easy then... so sweet and innocent.

But your demons and your angels reappeared.

Leaving all the traces of the man you thought you'd be.

Leaving me with no place left to go from here.

Leaving me so many questions all these years.

Is there some place far away... some place where all is clear?

Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear.

Or are you left to wonder all alone, eternally?

This isn't how it's really meant to be.

No it isn't how it's really meant to be.

They say that love is in the air.

Never is it clear how to pull it close and make it stay.

Butterflies are free to fly and so they fly away.

And I'm left to carry on and wonder why

even through it all, I'm always on your side.

Is there some place far away... some place where all is clear?

Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear.

Are we left to wonder all alone, eternally.

Is this how it's really meant to be?

No is it how it's really meant to be?

If they say that love is in the air

never is it clear how to pull it close and make it stay.

Butterflies are free to fly.

Why do they fly away?

Leaving me to carry on and wonder why

Was it you that kept me wondering through this life?

When you know that I was always on your side."

~Sherl Crow~ CD: Wildflower

This is a very special week for me.

What happened this week, nine years ago, saved my life.  You see, this is the week I met my best friend.... when I needed a friend more than anything or anyone I've ever needed, I met David.  Course this is the week of his birthday, so I love the fact that for the next three months, he's older.

Now you all know him as the ever-witty Dave from Daveblog .  I know him as the one person who knows me better than I know myself even though we've never even lived in the same state.... only in the same time zone for a brief moment in time.  Knows what I'm thinking before I do, usually.... pisses me off, too.

In order to understand you have to realize that I'm from a very small rural southern town, and David is from Chicago.  The night we met, I walked in on his conversation with a mutual friend.. about a small town he'd visited once when he was a young teen.  Imagine my shock when I realized it was MY town.  We were amazed when we realized we'd probably met, even talked.  We didn't remember each other.

As we continued to talk, we found out that years later, we were both in yet another state, same town, for close to the same reasons.... probably met then, too.  We didn't remember each other.

I didn't forget him this time.  I still believe it was fate.  And I think fate would have kicked our asses had the third time ended like the first two times.

In honor of David on his birthday, things I've learned about him... memories.

If you're female and particular about your hair style, don't sit within 5 feet of him.  Hell... just sit in the next room.  I learned to just leave my hair down and to not even bother trying to fix it in any way.

Never say  the words, "China", "Traffic Jam", "energy conservation", "cold fusion", and for the love of eternity don't ask him what happened to the fish during the great flood.

Don't go to work with him on third shift and think you'll whine about being tired.  He'll grab you up and make you dance. 

Never run out of coffee.

Like to watch reruns of the "X-Files".

Never ever sleep next to him unless cuddling with a furnace somehow appeals to you.  (I love it :) )

Hide any and all milk crates.

If you want something from him, and he's not giving in... go deeper with the southern accent.

If you're near a waitress (especially one with red hair) look away unless drool is attractive to you.

Randy Travis

If you need to sleep for more than 24 hours without waking, drive north.

He WILL laugh at you if you call him when you're drunk.

He won't let you forget it.

He WILL say "I told you so".

But he'll hug you while you cry about it.

Be prepared to yell "The Bears rock!" at any time.

If you're yelling at him and suddenly you hear a nervous laugh... get ready to have your ass chewed out....  you've obviously needed it for a while.

He'll get your dry humor and strange wit every time.

He'll help a male friend build a basement, tear down a house, stay sober, find a woman, ... fix a car, get straight, get through a divorce, plan a wedding, chase away demons... stay alive.

He'll help a female friend build a basement, tear down a house, stay sober, find a woman (lol)....  fix a car, get straight, find a man, get through a divorce, plan a wedding, chase away demons... stay alive.

David will stand by his friends without condition, through thick and thin, loyal and supportive, no matter the outcome because that's the kind of friend he is...

~Just don't expect neat hair if you're a girl~

I love you, David...:)  Happy Birthday... oh... and anniversary.  :)

This has been one of the worst weeks of my life.  The past seven days have been almost  unbearable at times. 

But they're over.  Yesterday was the first day of Fall.  How can you not feel better now?  I slept with my window open last night.  The days might still feel like summer, but the nights are autumn... cool and crisp.

On the way home from work last night (at 8pm) I was thinking about how tired I am and how much I have to do this weekend.  Then I realized, I don't care.  I really don't care.  I'm not working today.  I'm going to get everything finished, but I'm going to do it at my pace. 

At some point during my three-day weekend, I'm going to schedule some "me" time.  I figure I'll need a few hours in order to have the major breakdown I've been putting off for so long.

Or maybe I'll go get a tattoo...  on my ass.  A dragonfly. 

I don't think I've ever mentioned how much I love dragonflies.  Oooh!!!!  And I didn't tell you about the swarm of them I ran into, either!!  Or well, they ran into me.  Just a couple weeks ago I got a call at work.  My great aunt just dropped dead!  No warning... no nothing... the epitomy of perfect health prior to her death.  She was older... late 60s, but like I said, much healther than most of us half her age.  Massive heart attack, and she was gone.  So I left work to go to my parents' house and then to my grandmother's house.  You have to understand, we're southern.  A death in the family will bring relatives outta the woodwork.  And you're forever an outcast if you don't show.  I normally don't, but this time, I wanted to go be with my grandmother.  She was so close to her sister, and she's very sick.  We all thought she'd go first.

While waiting in my parents' yard, watching the kids play, I looked around and suddenly everywhere I looked, dragonflies!  There was probably a hundred or more flying all over the place.  They were beautiful.  I couldn't even speak.  My dad came out and saw them... he wasn't all that thrilled.  His comment was, "I don't think I've ever seen'em do that before... hmm."  He went to feed the horses. 

ANYWAY....  I love dragonfiles and maybe I should get a dragonfly tattooed on my ass.... NAH... why?  I'm not gonna be twisting around to look at it all the time, and the way things are going in my life, no one else is ever gonna see my bare ass again, so what would be the point?

Never mind... this whole post was obviously a waste of space.  No tattoo this weekend...

I believe I'll go back to bed.  Why am I up right now, anyway??  Maybe I'll have something intelligent and witty to say after I've had more sleep.

~don't count on it~

Never ever wage a war against your own heart.  Your mind will surely lose.

And when logic and reason wave the white flag of surrender, there's nothing left when the dust settles...  nothing but an uncomfortable peace treaty and a deflated red balloon.

Don't buy into the belief that your heart will offer you aid in the reconstruction of your sanity.  It's a setup.  It merely wants you to stop holding your breath because when you let down your guard and exhale, it gets to pump its blood freely through your veins once again.

It's all just a ploy to take over your world.  Don't fight it... remember resistance is futile and all that jazz.

If you allow the pain to just roll you it will eventually ebb to a dull ache instead of the alternate plan... to snap your soul like a twig.

There will be no relief effort.  There will be no co-habitation.

Trust me on this... never ever give your heart the position to be the power behind the throne.  It has its eye on the crown, and it will stop at nothing until the kingdom is on its knees.

~No one wants to be a prisoner of war~